after doing a bit of crying in the cubby today over those freaking crazy awesome, loving weddings...it got me to thinking about a conversation me and Jacob talked about recently.
we have had quitttte the time this week. Let me list the ways:
1/ our dog, D (part great dane, part lab - mostly taking up a big part of our not so medium sized house), since running around in the woods all weekend decided he'd pretend to die for a week by not standing. Literally NOT moving for 5 days and proceeding to pee his pants in my basement. Dog pee is like nothing I've ever smelled...wait. Hold that thought. I'd take dog pee any day to Jacob sleeping on the side of the bed CLOSEST to the fan on a 'bad' night. No amount of 'I'm sorrrrryyyy baby('s)' will erase the memory of those smells.
So bring on the dog pee.
And just as we're to the end of our rope w/ the dog situation...fighting over me having a lump of coal where my heart should be because I would choose NOT to drain our savings to save a dog's life...HE WALKS! And at the site of this...I was VERY happy. So happy that I scared D enough to make him stumble/walk/run/roll back down the stairs! Ooops. BUT....he's OK folks! Still sore but I think we're moving in a 'longer life for D' direction:)
2/ The shower, for the love of godddd, the shower is working and running and showerable. So that's just a good thing but already I'm not in the mood for the shower. I want a usable sink. I want lighting..I WANT IT ALL!
3/ My grams, my mom's mom, who has struggled with Alzheimer's for at least the last 7 years...she's about to kick it. And yes. I say Kick It cause apparently I'm not completely comfortable using the terms 'dieing, dead, passing away'. BUT I have no problem going into my boss's office at 0635 this morning to give her a 'heads up' that my grandma may 'kick it' soon. That I'm okay with. Something wrong there.
all in all. An interesting week. And now we wait. Wait to see if D keeps getting better and wait till we get the call that grams, did in fact, kick it.
and this brings me to me and Jacob's 'crying' conversation.
According to Jacob I have 2 kinds of crys. I think I was aware of this but having him explain it to me is probably the cutest thing. I mean seriously...he's cute. And there's nothing better than a fiance who makes you think about how cute he is when you are crying and you're not sure if you're crying cause of your grandma or cause you're already imagining a life that ends in forgetting your fiance, your husband, your family...these are the things I think. Uncool.
SO:
Cry #1: The Mad Cry
This is, according to Jacob, what happens when I'm having a 'bad day' and something as simple as the sound of the dog's tail hitting my newly installed kitchen cabinets sets.me.OFF. Then the tears come and that's when Jacob quietly makes a quick exit...most likely to a neighboring state where he can change his name and never be found again...because I will cry and kill. There's no consoling me during 'The Mad Cry'.
Cry #2: The Sad Cry
Surprisingly, Jacob says that the sad cry makes him more nervous than the 'Mad Cry' because there's not pressure to make things better when I'm 'Mad Crying'. But when I'm sad...this is hard. Does he hug me, hold my hand, tell me it'll be okay, make a joke. It amazes me that he can be so stumped at a time like this but for the last month has felt it necessary to explain away anything negative by saying "well, that's just the circle of life"...REALLY...cause I have NO idea what you getting our house payment in the mail had to do with the fricking "circle of fricking life"?!??!?!??!?!?
yes. It's been one of those weeks but at least I know that whether Jacob does the right thing at a time like this or during a 'Mad' or 'Sad' cry...I know he's trying. I know he wishes he knew what to do and just the fact that I know he's thinking about it....it really does make it all better.
PS. if anyone's interested in getting involved....check out this site for something super easy that anyone can do to help a great cause. Alzheimer's sucks ass, seriously...it totally puts a huge downer on one of my most favorite phrases of all time "It's all about the Memories" and it IS. That's all there is too it and I'd like to think that there will be a cure sooner than later!
Alzheimer's Association: Memory Walks
I'm determined to get me and Jacob into one of these...even if that's all we do/contribute. I know I'd feel good about that.
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