month 22 - Homer:)

i think the photo above captures my overall mental status this week...and hey...it's MONDAY!!!!;)

ah, Homer Homer Homer:) My sweet baby boy. I don't blame you one bit for what is going on inside that little head of yours...you've been cursed with your mom's emotional and mental instability. I can only hope you meet someone with your father's personality...you're going to need that in your life to calm your ass down;)

as I've mentioned in previous posts...Homer has been quite the handful lately. But maybe it's me taking a step back and realizing that I AM okay at this 'mom thing' and we're doing the best we can and this too shall pass...and suddenly it doesn't seem so bad:)

i mean...it kinda seemed bad when we were checking out at Target and he was throwing a fit so bad that he threw himself and smoked his head on the counter and then the check-out girl tried to calm him with a sticker (I killed her) and I was sweating and he was screaming and it was pretty much awesome;)

but other than those few outbursts...I do feel like we're back on track. And he's giving me some extra snuggles the last few days and fell asleep in my arms againnnnn tonight. I just feel like he's telling me it's okay...you can have that baby. I'm ready:)

but I'm not sure how ready I am or ever will be. I know that I have enough love to go around. I'm not worried about that one bit. I know I'm sad that another baby means that it won't JUST be Homer anymore and that's what we are right now. Us and Homer:) I know that Homer can't be a baby again and this is the circle of life, as Jacob would say;) I know I'm just freaking out about my current baby...not being a baby anymore and havingggggg a baby is going to really make that loud and clear:'(

but I do know that when Homer gets there to meet his little brother or sister - I'm gonna go all distorted face cry - but when we're all together, a Family of 4...it's all gonna make sense...somehow:) 

homer lately:

- he's telling some pretty long stories...none of which make too much sense yet but it's pretty adorable (someday I hope he's as good of a story teller as his mom...you know what I mean Friend;)

- he's finallyyyyyyy starting to eat a bit more. He's a pasta lover, so we're letting him indulge so that he gets SOMETHING in himself. But we're also trying to be more consistent...it's hard.

- he can recite the entire alphabet and 1-10...we're pretty excited about that:) (obviously, he needs to repeat after me but it's impressive;)

- cuddling with Rosco (our cat) is one of his fav things to do...of all time;)

- tucking him in at night is THE most adorable thing. EVER. We tuck his 'Friend' in, which is a Darth Vader doll;) He lays down. I give him a little kiss on the cheek and say "mama loves you". He gets back up and gives me a hug and kiss...and then he lays back down and squeezes his eyes shut real hard. 

Don't get me wrong...there are nights it goes down the opposite of that...BUT overall...he's been the best little sleeper and has been in his big boy bed (little mattress on the floor) since the New Year (which means he mastered that within 3 nights at only 19 months old...PROUD:)

i look back on a post I did when Homer was only 2 days old. I believe we may have still been in the Hospital and I was blogging from my hospital bed:) The best day of our lives was the one that brought us together with Homer. And I know we're gonna be adding another "best day of our lives" some time very soon:)
And soon I'll be able to repeat what I said less than 2 years ago...

"...but what I can say...is that my heart hurt before...at the thought of my family and my life with Jacob. And now when I look at our baby...something we did and have yet to mess up and is so incredibly perfect...I know for certain my heart will never recover:)..."