you'll get the horns.

at the moment I'm trying to sell 2 of the 1,897 wedding dresses I've accumulated since the start of this engagement. That was 400 days ago. HOLY CRAP!!!! I've been engaged for 400 days. Weird.
For real though. In 400 days I've collected 3 'official dresses' and have already had one mentally made by my dress maker lady. SO that's 4 wedding dresses in 400 days. So every 100 days (that breaks down to about every 3.33333333333 months) I'm buying a NEW dress. That is super uncool. And I still have 393 days to to, which could bring 3.93 more dresses. Why fight it.

i'm already having anxiety over the fact that I want to get rid of 2 of the dresses. If anyone knows me, when I get something in my head or make my mind up about something...I want it done yesterday. NOW. Why not RIGHT NOW!??!?! (feet stomping) NOWWWWW!!!!
I've put the 2 dresses up on Craig's List and immediately got a response - cue my serious excitement.

see email below from Charles, who's interested in my dresses:
* and if you don't want to read it...to sum it up, all it says is "blah, blah, blah...I'm a dirty liar".

Thanks for the prompt response and i will love to make an instant purchase, i hope it is in good condition like it stated, i have taken a close look at the advert,and am completely satisfied so please do withdraw the advert from Craig's List.I don,t mind adding an extra $100 dollars for you to take the advert down from Craig's List, so that i can be rest assured that am in hand of the item.I will also like you to know that i will be paying via USPS MONEY ORDER OR CERTIFIED CHECK and it will be an over night payment, You don't need to bother your self with the shipment ok, I will take care of that myself.... So I will need you to provide me with the following information to facilitate the mailing of the payment....
1.Your full name
2.Your physical mailing address
3.Your phone number
4.and the state ZIP code
**Once again ,I will like you to know that you will not be responsible for shipping of this item . my shipper will move down to your place for the pick up...as soon as the check clear. hope you assure me in hand of the item... Am looking forward to receive the information so i can arrange the payment asap,
STAY BLESS.

not surprisingly, I was hesitant and thinking...'maybe this guy's a dirty liar?'. So I call in reinforcements - cue Mal.
She sends this from Jacqueline, who was interested in a puppy Mal was selling:
* and if you don't want to read it...to sum it up, all it says is "blah, blah, blah...I'm a dirty liar".

Thanks very much for your response. I would be buying the 1 male puppy and 2 females puppies of the ones you have for sale so kindly reserve it for me. You have to bear with me that i called with relay service, its because am hearing impaired. I am sending you this email to make final reconfirmation of the puppy which am willing to buy for my son birthday gift and I also want to let you know that payment will be by certified Check or Money Order .. However, I want to alert you on the fact that you will be receiving the Check or Money Order this week or next week and payment will cover your cost and as well as the shipping cost to be paid to the person that will take care of the pickup in your house.. So please as soon as you receive the payment, get it cashed immediately, deduct the money that accrues to you and send the remaining balance to the Head Office of the company that handles the shipment via Western union. More so, I will pay you an extra $100 if you can reserve this for me.So in view of the above, Here are some of the details I will need for final issuance of the Check or Money Order to you.
(1) Full Name
(2) Mailing address, no p.o.box please
(3) your direct telephone number both home and cell.?
{4} Acceptance of my offer
(5} Final asking price once you get back to me with all the above information's, the check or money order will be issued out immediately and it will be sent to you.
Regards, Jacqueline

this does not make me happy - cue the rage. I actually kept my response remotely clean but even I, a non religious woman, was quite offended by the 'stay bless' portion of Charles email. I mean...REALLY?! If you're going to be a dirty liar - aka. ASShole - just be a straight up asshole. Don't start handing out blessings!!!
My email to Charles:

Thanks for your interest Charles.
But I am not interested in money orders or certified checks, cash only.
A family member of mine also received something closely resembling your response - attached below. Interesting. Please don't email unless you are truly interested in buying, with cash, what I'm selling.
You STAY BLESSED.

i included the email that Mal received in the email and I'm sure I'll never hear back from Charles. Unfortunate. I mean...I hate to leave a guy hanging that's in need of 2 wedding dresses. I'm sure the ladies in his life in need of those dresses are not so happy with Charles at the moment;)