i quit.

you may have gotten the hint...from my hints;)...that I quit my job. Good lorddddddd. I QUITTTTTTTTTTTT. I just yelled that. Andddd I just ate 3 bags of Skittles (miniature, you fool;).

looking back...it seems I've been trying to get to this place/position/situation for at least 3 years. I was/had been for some time, working full-time when we had Homer (05/2012). I knew immediately that going back to work full-time just wasn't going to work. Within 6MO of Homer's birth, I was down to 24hrs per week. And since then...I knew I needed to stay home full-time. Neverrrrrr EVER did I think I'd want to be a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom). But there I was...wishing for nothing more:) 

it took forever to make this decision...back and forth conversations...mostly about whether we could afford to make this happen (3 kids, little money, 2 mortgages...blah, blah, blah) and finallyyyyyy we just had to take the leap and believe that things would work out...

Most of our conversations consisted of the following:

daycare  I was only working 24hrs per week...and if I worked daytime/weekday hours, I was paying most of my, already teeny, paycheck to the babysitter

hours  I've worked plenty of different hours in my day...but over the last few years it's consisted mainly of nights and weekends. Which meant that I'd be leaving as Jacob showed up...or wrangling the family (my sisters or mom) into watching the kids because a lot of those weekends and nights, Jacob was working as well:/

I missed my husband:) He missed me:)

monies  dear gawd, we have so little of that. BUT when Jacob and I sat down and talked and hashed out every last detail of our budget...it looks sooooo so gloomy. BUT butttttt we want me home more than we care about the money part being easier. I SO wish it were easier but for now...it'll be worth it to be home - something I need to remind myself of when Target and fast food are no longer an option;).

love  this job is the first job I've really loved. I've been so lucky to work with such great/funny/happy/caring people. People I now consider friends, who I meet up with off the clock, whose phone numbers I have in my phone! But after 8 years...I started lacking the drive - to learn new things and stay on top of the changes happening...and the empathy - towards the patients calling and needing my help:/ And that's not me. I don't want to stop caring about what I do.

i doubt very much I'll be at home forever. But the next time I step back out there...I want to be doing something that fills me up. That makes me happy, that makes other people happy. I want to be doing something that motivates me and makes my wheels turn. Something I'm passionate about:)

i couldn't be more excited to stay home with the kids and start this season of our lives. We are gonna have some of the WORST.DAYS.EVER!!!! OMG. I know that's gonna happen;) But for every one of those days...I know we'll have a million amazing moments to overshadow those harder times. 

so tonight is my last shift. I worked 2-10PM. I got cards and candy and gifts and pizza and hugs:) I'm going to miss them. Not much else:) I can't wait to get home to my favorites:)

peace out.

my happy place.

the emotional roller coaster that is taking Family Photos;)

courts took our photos a week or so ago and I gotta say, they're ALL my favorites;) I love the 'out-takes' just as much, if not more sometimes, than the ones that turned out perfectly posed:)

it's hard to believe this will be the last time capturing our little Family of Four:) As of today, we're ONE MONTH away from Family of Five status and we couldn't be more excited - and scared and anxious and nervous and HAPPY - ALL.THE.FEELINGS:)

i'll keep this short because there are plenty of photos to scroll through and today's To Do List is impressively long and I've got to go deal with Homer screaming in a Time Out and Theo is eating a bowl of oatmeal with her hands and that's going as well as you'd expect;) 

and it's not even 830AM. Let's do this, Friday!!!!:)

xoxo. 
The Smith's:)

all the feelings. times 3:)

-i'm now about 14.5 weeks-

i've had a miscarriage before. Between Homer and Theo. I know that miscarriages are, unfortunately, pretty common...but I was shocked to have one. I'm not the first and won't be the last and I've had many friends with much worse devastating more awful experiences than mine. So I count myself lucky to have had that miscarriage and then become pregnant with Theo within 28 days. And here she is. And how could that not have been exactly as things were supposed to be?

i only mention this because this time around we had another scare very early in the pregnancy. I thought it was a miscarriage...I mean, I was SURE it was and so I told my family that we had been pregnant but lost the baby...turns out...we didn't lose the baby and so yeah...the first few weeks of this pregnancy were very scary and unknown and stressful. But I'm happy to report that things seem to be smooth sailing at this point. But I felt inclined to explain why we announced so early - we announced at 10 weeks. Announcing that early was somewhat of an accident and awkward: We were pregnant:(...wait, we might still be pregnant, maybe?!...okay...I guess we're actually pregnant!! Yay?! ;)

i'm 14.5 weeks.

WE'RE PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!:)

this time around - minus the we're pregnant, never mind...wait...still pregnant - we were SO surprised. We planned and tried with both Homer and Theo. We've always been lucky that things happen pretty quickly for us once we hope to be pregnant and for that we are very happy. But this time around...we weren't exactly planning to be pregnant quite so soon. Don't get me wrong, it is a welcome surprise and we were well aware it could happen but regardless, this time around was the first time I wasn't waiting around to take a test...this time I just wondered if I might be and wouldn't ya know it...my gut was right!!!

i was already 2 months along at Theo's 1st Birthday Party. It's certainly blowing my mind that she'll only be about 19 months when the next baby gets here! Oh my gosh!!!!! And she's such a little peanut yet and I have no plans to stop holding her over the next few months. If anything...more cuddling is required to ease her into being a big sister:) Theo...a BIG Sister...oh my gosh. I can't even!!! And Homer...I don't know what it is about him but I've always had such a settled, almost sure, feeling that he is just going to be a big brother to multiple siblings and he's going to be great at it:)

i love this quote from an article I read recently. 

"I don’t know why God gave me children effortlessly and withholds them from others who would make fantastic parents. But I know this: fertility is not a curse, it is a gift. It is a scandalous miracle."

we're not religious people. But there's something so magical and huge and special and just...amazing, about the process of growing a baby. Each time that we are lucky enough to carry a baby and birth him or her and then bring them home...and raise them...I'll never tire of that responsibility. I've been blessed (so far:) with amazing pregnancies and uneventful/quick/amazing births and healthy and happy children. We don't take that lightly.

we don't yet know what our number will end up being. I certainly knew from the minute I had Theo that I would have another. 

these babies make me so happy. Jacob makes me so happy. I'm nervous because we're in a place where Homer doesn't go ballistic in the grocery store - I'll leave out the part where he tells me "NO!!" and uses fun phrases like "Mom, you no talk to me!", freaking sass-mouth!;) - and Theo lives in my arms and we've been sleeping...SLEEP!!!!!...things are...dare I say...doable!??!?;) We've hit a good rhythm and Jacob and I laugh cause that's normally when we decide to mix things up a bit;) 

we may be a bit nervous and scared to be outnumbered but our excitement out-weighs all of that:) We couldn't be happier to welcome another little baby into our world!!

hope you're all ready for another round!!!!;)

-photos courtesy of Courtney:)-

and as if this post hasn't been lengthy enough...all the dirty details;)

due date 

official Due Date: November 9th:)

boy or girl

up until last week...I was 110% sure it is a girl...I'm already doubting myself and we're only 14 weeks in:/

We won't be finding out, loveeeee that surprise way too much:) 

names

we've got some strong contenders! We have 2 solid boy names that we've had since having Theo...and we just came up with a whole new girl name in the last few weeks that we're still both really excited about. SO I feel confident that we're set but just keeping our ears open for anything new and not committing till we meet the little guy/girl:)

some favs that we've taken off the list: GIRL Poppy BOY Leo

belly

it's definitely coming! But so far...not too much to report. I'm mostly pregnant in my arms, ass and thighs:/ 

weight 

i'm not putting too much thought into weight just yet. I definitely feel as if things are shifting already...but in all the wrong places - ass, thighs, arms...where are my huge breasts this time around?!?!!?!;( But this will be my first 'summer' pregnancy. I LOVE to walk and put in quite a few miles almost every day. SO I'm excited to see if being a bit more active this time around will make any difference:)

start weight: 136lbs

current weight: 142lbs

total weight gain: 6lbs

*for reference...I've gained a solid 55lbs with both of my previous pregnancies - pausing for gasps;) - so it's probably a good thing my start weight is a bit lower*

just curious...how many Cinnabons is too many Cinnabons? Asking for a friend;)

wardrobe

no real change here yet. Thankfully. Tighty pants have been a fav for a long time...so I still wear those anyway...but haven't broke into the maternity bin yet and I don't see that happening for at least another month or so:)

baby buys 

no new baby purchases yet! But I look every time I'm around the baby section:) I do feel like if it's a girl...I want to invest in a few more girly things. Theo really did get a lot of Homer's hand-me-downs, which I'm totally cool with. But I'd like to have a bit more of a 

'girl' wardrobe for our next lady:)

xoxo
The Smith's

month 7: theo:)

hey yo. I'll start this little post with a "hey...sorry for only posting once a month and even then...ONLY POSTING PHOTOS OF ME...and MY HUSBAND...and those EXTREMELY CUTE KIDS!!". I get it. You're sick of our fat faces. Sooooo I'm going to follow that up with a post about THEO!!!!!!;)

#sorrynotsorry

so it goes like this:
theo is 7 months. Which is closer to her ONE YEAR birthday than her birth. Which means she's old. Which means I'm dead. And thennnnn I sob myself to sleep. 

and we repeat that aboutttttt twice a month.

i also may have DID said to my husband tonight that I wanted to get pregnant again. Now. He responded by telling me that he would like to punch me in the face more than he'd like to not punch me in the face. SOOOOOOOo...I assume that means we're 'trying'?!;)

theo daisy isssssss. Man. Where to start. She's adorable. She screams at a higher pitch than her brother ever has...which is seriously, shocking and can NOT be good for our ear drums. She's still nursing like a champ. She still pukes more than any other baby...IN.THE.WORLD. She's the biggest cuddle bug. Crawling...more of a drag than an actual 'on the knees' crawl. She's sitting all by herself!!! We started solids in the last week, not much but she's liking it:) 
She laughs and plays and cries and pukes and screams and pukes and plays. REPEAT:)

i'm also prettttyyyyy sure she needs a pet bunny. This goes against EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING. But what I think Theo wants;)...stay tuned...maybe the next post won't be photos of our fat faces...but the fat face of our new bunny:)

 oddly enough...the puking gets annoying;)

and because I don't cry enough the way it is...above is Theo (TOP) and Homer (BOTTOM)...both at 7 Months. Sick. :'(

the smiths:)

alternate title: why does my husband choose Family Photo Day to try out a 'new smile'.

SIDE NOTE: he's still adorable...pedophile side smile and all;)

family photos wenttttt awesome. AKA. As good as can be expected with a defiant 2 year old, a high maintenance baby, a mama with a rapidly receding hairline and dad test drivin' a new smile;)

i love us;)

we started out giving Homer a sucker. I quickly realized that was super dumb because us plus a sucker really doesn't fit my vision of a nice family photo. I spared you all the photos that followed us ripping from his death grip taking away the sucker. 

once he pulled it together...wa la:)

the 'outtakes' turned out to be my absolute favorites. They completely capture the shit show that is my family. And I love it. Hard:)

we tried to recreate some things we've seen on Pinterest - damn you to HELL, Pinterest!!!!;). But laying on the ground...with pine cones and nuts under our backs...while in a dress...staring up at the bright sky...not happening. And then Homer sneezes in my face and Theo freaks out. And yeah.

 an absolute favorite capture of my boys:)

my heart and his 'real' smile:)

and the damn dog walked in front of, what we are assuming, was the only good photo we would have gotten of the 2 kids by themselves. Well played dog.

we're very fortunate to have a sister who loves taking Family/Children's photos and is eager to practice her skill whenever we ask!!:)

thanks so much for capturing the essence of my family so very perfectly, Courtney:)

**for more current photos that Courts has taken...check her out on Facebook - Courtney Smith Photography**