Thursday, May 14, 2015

summer: to do.

"Do you believe in reincarnation?" I asked as we looked together at the intricate drawings, reading bits about them in the paragraph on each page.
"I don't," he said. "I believe we're here once and what we do matters..."

Tell me, what is it you plan to do
With your one wild and precious life?
Mary Oliver
"The Summer Day"


that may be a little deep...so I'll do my best to lighten the mood from here on out;)

i'm currently reading Wild by Cheryl Strayed. It's good. And I've got to say, a reminder of why I love to read. You find things in the pages that mean something to you. Maybe not to anyone else...but the words above really resonated with me in a few different ways. 

i tend to over-think a lot of things. Am I doing enough? I'm not doing anything... Do I have enough? I don't have anything... And then I get frustrated with myself. Frustrated that I don't feel like what I'm doing is enough. Frustrated that I don't feel like what I have is enough. Why isn't a roof over our heads enough, why do I want a sparkly new kitchen...when in reality, I'd trade all that in to travel the world with my family? 

i'm a firm believer in: It's All About The Memories. I mean...what else is there (this coming from a girl with 2 grandmother's - one has since passed - with Alzheimer's:/). I want this summer to be one filled with down-time and relaxation and as little stress as possible! This revelation couldn't come at a better time, seeing as I'll be growing an itty bitty baby and the less stress, the better...for all of us;) But I know that some things are just out of our hands but I'm going to do my best to turn any 'rough patches' or 'unplanned/unfortunate surprises' into something less than awful - and let's just cross our fingers that nothing of the sort comes up anyway:)

i'd like this summer to be one where I learn to relish in the simple things. Growing a plant. Picking a flower. Reading a book. Sitting back while the kids enjoy the warm days:) I want that to be enough.

i was just getting my hair done and was speaking to my brilliant hair dresser (at this appointment we named our next book: Bitches Who Teach You How Not To Be An Asshole...I told you she was good;). I was talking about having children and how I just love having the kids. They're SOOOO fucking hard. Oh lord, they are. But them and Jacob and the family we've created...it's the only thing that's seemed absolutely, completely right to me. And then I think...what about me? When am I going to find what it is I'M supposed to be doing? But she helped me realize that right now, at this moment in my life...being a mom is it. And that's enough...that's beyond enough:)



first order of business...getting this up on the wall and beginning to cross things off:)
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