Sunday, November 1, 2015

i quit.



you may have gotten the hint...from my hints;)...that I quit my job. Good lorddddddd. I QUITTTTTTTTTTTT. I just yelled that. Andddd I just ate 3 bags of Skittles (miniature, you fool;).

looking back...it seems I've been trying to get to this place/position/situation for at least 3 years. I was/had been for some time, working full-time when we had Homer (05/2012). I knew immediately that going back to work full-time just wasn't going to work. Within 6MO of Homer's birth, I was down to 24hrs per week. And since then...I knew I needed to stay home full-time. Neverrrrrr EVER did I think I'd want to be a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom). But there I was...wishing for nothing more:) 

it took forever to make this decision...back and forth conversations...mostly about whether we could afford to make this happen (3 kids, little money, 2 mortgages...blah, blah, blah) and finallyyyyyy we just had to take the leap and believe that things would work out...
Most of our conversations consisted of the following:

daycare  I was only working 24hrs per week...and if I worked daytime/weekday hours, I was paying most of my, already teeny, paycheck to the babysitter

hours  I've worked plenty of different hours in my day...but over the last few years it's consisted mainly of nights and weekends. Which meant that I'd be leaving as Jacob showed up...or wrangling the family (my sisters or mom) into watching the kids because a lot of those weekends and nights, Jacob was working as well:/
I missed my husband:) He missed me:)

monies  dear gawd, we have so little of that. BUT when Jacob and I sat down and talked and hashed out every last detail of our budget...it looks sooooo so gloomy. BUT butttttt we want me home more than we care about the money part being easier. I SO wish it were easier but for now...it'll be worth it to be home - something I need to remind myself of when Target and fast food are no longer an option;).

love  this job is the first job I've really loved. I've been so lucky to work with such great/funny/happy/caring people. People I now consider friends, who I meet up with off the clock, whose phone numbers I have in my phone! But after 8 years...I started lacking the drive - to learn new things and stay on top of the changes happening...and the empathy - towards the patients calling and needing my help:/ And that's not me. I don't want to stop caring about what I do.

i doubt very much I'll be at home forever. But the next time I step back out there...I want to be doing something that fills me up. That makes me happy, that makes other people happy. I want to be doing something that motivates me and makes my wheels turn. Something I'm passionate about:)

i couldn't be more excited to stay home with the kids and start this season of our lives. We are gonna have some of the WORST.DAYS.EVER!!!! OMG. I know that's gonna happen;) But for every one of those days...I know we'll have a million amazing moments to overshadow those harder times. 

so tonight is my last shift. I worked 2-10PM. I got cards and candy and gifts and pizza and hugs:) I'm going to miss them. Not much else:) I can't wait to get home to my favorites:)

peace out.

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